Told on the Turf

DSC_0286Varsity Soccer

The Khorasani sisters, Sarah ’13 and Sophie ’16, are once again placed on the Mid 4 soccer team. The girls are still hopeful, though, and one day dream to make JV.

Mr. Didier, a fervent Nicki Minaj fan, was disappointed by one of her latest songs, “Fly.” He expressed his dissatisfaction with his favorite artist when he revealed to the varsity soccer team, “I wouldn’t find this song inspirational even if I were drowning.”

Soccer player Helen Hoyt ’14 was recognized by the varsity soccer team for her genuine care for her opponents’ well-being.

Varsity FH

Joyce Zhang ’13 has officially changed her name to “Jay-Z” after answering to only this name for the last three years. Rumor has it that Zhang has decided to skip college and instead begin her world tour in the fall of 2013.

The JVA field hockey players have noticed that their ball bag has become much lighter recently. Coincidently, but most likely completely unrelated, varsity’s ball bag has become questionably weighty.


Caroline MacGillivray ’15 indoctrinated the team into the spirit of opulent tailgating at the Head of the Housatonic. Even after fourteen hours and three outfit changes, she was still barking at teammates to load the bus in a very elegant fashion.  Look for The Opulent Tailgating Manual: Enjoying Athletics with Dry Feet and High Style in a bookstore near you.

At one practice, the team put its seniors to the test, putting Abba Parker ’13, Lena Afeyan ’13, Elizabeth Hiss ’13, Nell Birch ’13 and Kate Traquina ’13 together in the Hudson four. The practice went smoothly and all five finished it perfectly dry. The boat did not tilt so far down to one side that they had to enlist the help of Harvard freshmen oarsmen to lift it out of the water.

After completely annihilating their league, Winsor crew looked to Olympians for some real competition. After scrimmaging Gevvie Stone, the first four seat-raced Georgia Williams ’14 against Polish bronze medalist sculler Julia Michalska. The results were inconclusive.

Cross Country

An opponent of cross country runner Ciara Downey ’15 sustained minor injuries after Downey accidentally elbowed her in the face during a particularly intense sprint that the end of a race, proving that cross country is indeed a contact sport.

After a neck-and-neck finish, Michaela Barsamian ’14 and her opponent engaged in a full-fledged fist fight over a popsicle stick inscribed with the place that the faster runner got in the race.

Although the idea of dressing up in matching costumes to attend a school dance at first felt fishy to the members of the cross country team, the outfits turned out wonderfully and the evening went swimmingly.