The Real Patriots Parade

By, Samantha C. ’19

There’s nothing like squeezing your way onto a train that’s already stuffed to its maximum capacity, only to be forced deeper into the mass of B.O. and hairy arms by your “friends,” but you convince yourself that it’s worth it. After all, when else will you get to experience a Patriots parade (that’s what you told yourself in 2017, too)?

The T finally reaches your stop, and you and your friends push yourselves through the dense crowd of Tom Brady worshippers towards the distant source of daylight. What confronts you in the street is not much better than the T mob: drunk adults, overly enthusiastic college men, and 14 year olds who think they’re better than everyone. You hear a wave of cheers making its way towards your area; before you know it, you’re cheering at the top of your lungs and the energy of thousands of people courses through your body… until you realize that the approaching spectacle is an empty bus.

Finally, the first duck boat enters your vision. Too bad half your view is obstructed by a crowd of phones fighting to capture the best angle of the parade. You wonder why people don’t just ~live in the moment~; besides, you’re too distracted by the fact that Tom Brady is so close that you can literally see the midlife crisis wrinkles on his face (not that he’ll be retiring any time soon). But, wait a second, who are those irrelevant people on the other duck boats? You can’t help but wonder how someone’s brother-in-law and 3-year-old daughter managed to get there. Suddenly, a police officer breezes past, also holding up a phone to film the crowd. People these days.

Just when you thought the day couldn’t get any more cringe-worthy, the Instagram posts start rolling out later that night. People try to generate original captions, but any form of “Just another patriots parade post!!! #titletown #anothaone #6rings” quickly becomes unoriginal. After the 100th identical post, you decisively close out of Instagram. Having experienced the parade yourself, you know that the perfectly edited posts contradict the parade’s true nature. But, despite the chaos and high number of opportunities for derision, you realize that you had a fun time. Your experience might not be publicly broadcasted on social media, but it will always remain in your own memory.