Fake Midterm Checklist:

Needs Attention


Demonstrating with Guidance


Panel  Banner (for the Backpage editors)(Note: we know, this IS very ~meta~):

  1. Gets articles in on time. Developing
  2. Does actual work, not just lists of quotations! Needs Attention
  3. Is generally cohesive and understandable. Needs Attention
  4. Is not offensive/can be published/does not need to be censored. Developing
  5. Is funny to the general population, not just themselves. Needs Attention


  1. Participates a lot, but also not too much; NEVER raises their hand (facilitates a natural class discussion), but also NEVER interrupts the conversation or what someone else is saying; ONLY ever builds onto what others are saying, but also ALWAYS presents unique and individual ideas; NEVER looks at the teacher (ever.); and is, of course, smart.

Needs Attention

  1. Does not fall asleep in class. Developing
  2. Works during dedicated work periods. Yes, phones propped up on computer screens ARE in fact visible. And incriminating. Needs Attention
  3. Is able to completely improvise in class after not having done the reading. Demonstrating not with guidance but with CONFIDENCE.


  1. Does problems without crying. Needs Attention
  2. Comes to one set answer on tests and does not circle multiple answers, telling the teacher to “pick their poison.” Developing
  3. Threatens to jump out of the window every time they get a problem wrong. Demonstrating
  4. Shows GENUINE (albeit inexplicable) excitement and enthusiasm for every problem they are assigned. Demonstrating with Guidance


  1. Does not play with the specimens during labs. Developing
  2. Remains mature while discussing the reproductive system. Needs attention
  3. Comes up with independent experiments that do not involve: testing (a) hallucinogenic mushrooms, (b) marijuana-based protein powders, or (c) pure caffeine powder. (Note: this definitely happened. We have no further comments.) Needs Attention
  4. Asks frequent unrelated, very specific questions about very specific animals in very specific situations (ex: Who would win in a fight? A shark or a bear?) Demonstrating